My Delicious Relationships (Jerome A. Holst © 2005)
Over the years, I've found myself in a number of
relationships with women. These females lasted
for a while, but then I always found some reason
to be movin' one. I've done this most of my
life. I guess you might say, I have problem with
But, there is a special category of women whom I
could never leave. Because, whenever I've needed
their special "somethin', somethin'," they were
always there to service me. Day or night, rain
or shine, these lovely ladies have always found
a way to satisfy my cravings.
Of course, I speak of Aunt Jemima, Betty
Crocker, Sara Lee, to name a few.
First thing every morning, I can always count on
to rise to the occasion and add a little
sweetness to my life. She knows just how to
fluff up my batter and get my hotcakes pilled
nice and high.
And, if I feel a need for a change, I just open
a door and there is
to get me through the day. And there's also that
as a backup. Sometimes, I think I love her.
For a beverage, most people like a nice cup of
coffee to wash down those hotcakes, but I've
never been coffee drinker, so I rely on my
These sexy babes always "wanta, wanta" show me
what they've got. And I'm always ready to oblige
them whenever they shake a 16 ounce jug of
orange Fanta in my face.
Now, if I was a coffee drinker, I'm sure I would
entertained a relationship with
She's "Mountain Grown", don't ya know.
When I want something really sweet, I reach out
for the love of my life, Sara - that's
Her creamy deliciousness satisfies the child in
me. A little time with her is like a trip to the
candy store. Ah, the sweet, sweet caress of her
Now, as I said, I've got commitment issues, so
for a little variety, I'll sometimes find
abandon in the sweet, whipped companionship of
Mrs. Sarah Tucker.
Man, she's one fine mother...and speaking of
Mother, have I told you about
She's a creamy little thing, but she has her
limits. You don't want to fool with her, if you
know what I mean. Before, I met Mother Nature, I
spent a lot of time down at the
with a nice little Indian maiden who always
found the time to butter me up.
And then there's
She really knows how to handle my fish sticks.
As does my other sea-friendly acquaintance, a
mermaid pal of mine, who delivers a
heart-healthy dose of protein whenever I'm in
the mood. And she's not chicken when it comes to
delivering the goods. Ask any mermaid you happen
With all this mucking about the kitchen I'm sure
to make a mess. That's when I can always rely on
a "quicker picker up" pal of mine to clean up
any unsightly mess that might have erupted. She
may be an older gal, but she got a mighty firm
grip and when she cleans up, it comes as no
surprise that the job will be done
lickety-split. No jerking around with
With all of this culinary consummation, my sink
gets mighty full with dirty dishes. That's when
I call in
Madge who has
no problem "soakin in it". And if my pipes ever
get clogged, her friend
is there to whip out her tools and get the job
done so that I can get ready for another go
around with my fabulous, foody females.
So, there you have it. I may go wanting for
traditional female companionship, but I'll never
go wanting in the kitchen. When the dinner bell
rings, my women know exactly what I like, and
how to serve it up to me nice and hot. Well,
except for Sara. She's got this fetish for
freezing things. But hey, you haven't lived
until you've bit down on a piece of her
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