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Beginning & Ending Narrations (Voice-overs)


[Voice of Mrs. Aldrich] "Henry!, Henry Aldrich!" [Henry resigns himself to his mother's authority and respectfully responds] "Coming, Mother!"

[Narrator] "Out of the library of American folklore, those treasured stories such as Huck Finn, Paul Bunyon and Rip Van Winkle-which have brought us laughter and joy for generations-come the warm and lovable tales of Amos n' Andy; presented by the Blatz Brewing Company, Wisconsin, on behalf of Blatz dealers everywhere."

[Voice of Rue McClanahan as Ginger Nell Hollyhock] "March the Fourth, nineteen and thirty-three. Mercy, what times these are. Nobody in this whole country has enough money to buy dirt. Luckily though, we live here in Kansas City, Kansas, where there is plenty of dirt for free. Just everything else we can't afford."


[Voices of Peter Scolari as Henry and Tom Hank as Kip]

Henry: When we came to New York we had a great apartment that was dirt cheap.
Kip:  And we found out why it was so cheap [wrecking ball breaks through walls of apartment building]
 Henry: Our friend Amy said there was a great apartment in her building. Dirt Cheap.
Kip: But it's a hotel for women. OK! We made one adjustment.
Henry: Now these other ladies know us as Buffy and Hildegarde.
Kip: But they also know us as Kip and Henry, Buffy and Hildy's brothers. I'm crazy about the blonde.
 Henry: This experience is going to make a great book.
Kip: See it's all perfectly normal.

[Theme Music: "My Life" byBilly Joel]

[Voice of Ray Romano] "Hi!, I'm Ray and I live here in Long Island with my wife Deborah. She's great with the kids, the house, everything. Oh, I don't know how she does it. We've got a daughter, Ally and twin two-year-old boys. It's not really about the kids. My parents live across the street. Thaaat's right. And my brother lives with them. Now, not every family would go by on a conveyor belt for you [family goes by on a conveyer belt] but mine would because" (voice of Brad Garrett) "E-e-e-verybody Loves Raymond." (voice of Ray) "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."

[Voice of Annie Potts]: "When I arrived in Washington (D.C.) in 1942, I didn't have a place to live. Then, quite by chance, I met Betty Crandall; she'd come all the way from Iowa to help the war effort. Our cab driver, Frankie Millardo, became our first friend in Washington and quite a life saver. He brought us to Coolidge House, the place that turned out to be our new home. George and Irma Coolidge were the landlords, and thanks to Loretta Smoot, one of the sweetest of my new found friends, we were soon sharing her room in the attic...Oh, then there was Camille Rittenhouse. She sweet talked Mr. Coolidge into letting her stay in the attic, too...Coolidge House was crowded, but we all became good friends and although there were hard times, there were plenty of good times, too."

[Narrator] "This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Everyday he has to make all kinds of decisions like what to wear, whom to date and when to panic. Now these decisions should be easy but if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind. [His personalities introduced themselves]. I'm Herman's intellect Without me he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent or tie his shoe laces. I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love...the good things in life. I'm Herman's anxiety and I keep him out of trouble and believe me there's trouble everywhere. I'm Herman's lust. Without me he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes. [Narrator concludes] Sometimes they agree...Ummm, usually they don't. But the struggle is going on inside all of us and it's all going on inside Herman's head."

I REMEMBER MAMA (a.k.a. MAMA)/CBS/1949-57

[Each episode opened with Rosemary Rice as the family's oldest child, Katrin looking at the family photo album and thinking back over her childhood and the people she had known so well].

"I remember the big white house on Elm Street and my little sister, Dagmar and my big brother Nels, and of course, Papa But most of all, I REMEMBER MAMA" [Alternate opening] "This old album makes me remember so many things in the past. San Francisco and the house on Stiner Street where I was born. It brings back memories of my cousins, aunts, and uncles; all the boys and girls I grew up with. And I remember my family as we were then. My brother Nels, my little sister Dagmar, and of course, Papa. But most of all when I look back to those days so long ago, most of all I REMEMBER MAMA." 


[Penny Marshall as Laverne DeFazio and Cindy Williams as Shirley Feeney hopscotch along sidewalk and chant]
Laverne & Shirley:

"1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 Schlameel, Schlamaazal Hassenpepper Incorporated." 

LOVE THAT BOB (The Bob Cummings Show)/NBC/CBS/1955-59

[Photographer Bob Collins (Bob Cummings) points a large camera with flash attachment at the TV viewing audience]


"Hold it!, I think you're gonna like this picture." [Flash goes off]

[Picture develops in a tray of photographic solution and slowly reveals the title of the program LOVE THAT BOB]. 

[Voice of Frankie Muniz as Malcolm on the very first episode] "This is the world. With a 196 million square miles. If I covered a hundred square miles and hour, every hour for the rest of my life, I still wouldn't see half of it. This is the left nostril of my brother, Reese. It squeaks...all...night...long. These are the freezin' cold feet of my little brother, Dewey. This is my oldest brother, Francis, He's the one I really like, So, of course, he got sent to Military School. My name is Malcolm. You wanna know what the best thing about childhood is. At some point it stops." [Theme song blares "Yes, no Baby, I don't know, can you repeat the question? You're not the boss of me now...and you're not so big...Life is unfair."]


[In the earlier episodes, Dwayne Hickman as Dobie Gillis sat and meditated in a park with his elbow on his knee, chin resting on his fist, mirroring the statue of Rodin's "The Thinker" which stood directly behind him. As the camera zoomed in Dobie told the TV viewers what was on his mind. The following is the first time he introduced himself to the viewers] 

"My name is Dobie Gillis and I like girls. What am I saying? I love girls! Love 'em! beautiful, gorgeous, soft, round, creamy girls. Now, I'm not a wolf, mind you. No, you see a wolf wants lots of girls, but me? Well, I just want one. One beautiful, gorgeous, soft, round, creamy girl for my very own. That's all I want! One lousy girl! But I'll tell you a sad, hard fact. I'm never gonna get a girl. Never. Why? Because to get a girl you need money. And standing between me and money is a powerful obstacle: a POWERFUL obstacle!"

[The scene shifted to the frustrated face of Herbert T. Gillis, Dobie's father. His favorite expression: "OOOOO, I gotta kill that boy!, I gotta kill him!"] 

[Announcer] "A gay new comedy about the life and loves of a secretary in Manhattan. It's time to MEET MILLIE."

[Announcer] "This is Mr. Adams and Eve. They play movie stars who are husband and wife. Starring Ida Lupino and Howard Duff; and in real life they are actually husband and wife. It's Mr. Adams and Eve."


[The TV camera zoomed in on photographs of Vernon Albright (Charles Farrell) and Margie Albright (Gale Storm). Suddenly, the pictures come to life and each tell his/her side of the story]

 "I've been both mother and father to her since she was born. She's grown up now. When she was a little girl I could spank her and make her mind me, I had control over her. When she disobeyed I took her roller skates away for a week. What can you do when a girl reaches this age? She's completely out of hand. I've got a problem. Believe me, I've got a problem." 


 "I've raised him from my childhood. He's nearly fifty now and you'd think he'd settle down, wouldn't you? Today, he looks better in shorts on a tennis court than fellows twenty five. Girls wink at them and what's worse, he winks back at them. I want a nice old comfortable father. I try to look after him, but he just won't settle down. I've got a problem. Believe me, I've got a problem!" 

[Voice of Staci Keanan] "This is me, Nicole Bradford. Cute, huh? This is my dad and this is my dad. How did I get two dads? They inherited me. One dad who's down to earth and one dad with his head in the clouds."


[On the very first episode Gidget (played by Caryn Richman) enters atop a surfboard carried by a group of muscle beach types


"Hi, I'm Gidget. Remember me? America's original surfer girl. I wanted to make an entrance OK, so maybe I over did it. Thanks guys. I've grown up. I mean I'm still short but I'm married Moon Doggie. I call him Jeff and we still spend a lot of time at the beach. I own my own business and together we, Jeff and I, are raising Danny my sisters daughter. My sister and her husband are in Europe and well, that's a whole other story...this story's about windsurfing and a day that didn't start off too great..." The beginning of the original series GIDGET/ABC/1965-66 began with the theme song "If you're in doubt about angels being real...Wait until you see my Gidget, you'll want her for your valentine"

(Theme lyrics by Howard Greenfield) 

[Voice of Tom Hanks] "I'm David Basner, President of this advertising agency. I think advertising is the only place for young people to get a real job in the real world with a real salary. So, if you think you like advertising...Go for it. If everything goes well by the time you're 35, you'll be burned out."

[Announcer] "There are eight million stories in the Naked City. Some are violent, some sad, but one of them is just plain cuckoo. This is a modern fable about two young people who make a bargain only to find out they were going to get a lot more than they bargained for. We call our fable OCCASIONAL WIFE and it stars Michael Callan and Patricia Harty."

[Announcer] "On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down he knew she was right, but he also knew that someday he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, Oscar Madison. Sometime earlier Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?"

[Voice of Danny Thomas] "This is Seattle. Nice Place, Huh? I'm Jake Hatton. I live here. I'm not the head of the house, that job belongs to my nephew, Don. Don's a cop so he knows a little bit about keeping the peace. Oh, he could know a little more, but he's a good kid. He tries. See, when Don's folks died, he and his new wife-their just kids themselves-found they were up to their necks acting as mother and father to Don's four brothers and sisters. Well, that's where I came lend a hand. And its working out great. All right, its working out."


[The program began with definitions flashed on the screen]

a small egg laying mammal that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone. 

MAN  n: an adult male human. 
PLATYPUS MAN n: an adult male human that attempts to mate frequently but spends most of its time alone.


[Voice of Rhoda Morgenstern (Valerie Harper) heard over an array of still photos and stylized video art

"My name is Rhoda Morgenstern. I was born in the Bronx, New York in December of 1941. I've always felt responsible for World War II. The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was food. I had a bad puberty; it lasted seventeen years. I'm a high school graduate. I went to art school. My entrance exam was on a book of matches. I decided to move out of the house when I was twenty-four. My mother still refers to this as the time I ran away from home. Eventually, I ran to Minneapolis, where it's cold and I figured I'd keep better. Now I'm back in Manhattan. [In a louder voice] New York, this is your last chance!" 

[Narrator] "This is Buddy Overstreet. He's wanted by the head of the most powerful crime syndicate in the country. In a steam room Buddy overheard their vital secrets and the mysterious words 'Chicken Little.' Now he knows too much. These are the orders given to all members of the syndicate from one end of the country to the other-'Get him, get him, get him.' "

[Announcer] "There were six people who loved to watch television, but they didn't like what they saw. Armed with determination and a strong will to change the course of television, they wrote their own shows, but that wasn't enough, they had to sell them. They went straight to the networks, but the networks were not ready for them. But did that stop them? No. They built their own network and they liked what they saw."

[Voice of Cliff De Young] "That's me, Sam Haydn. My wife died a couple of years ago so now there's just me and Jill, that's my little girl. What do I do? I wash dishes, drive cabs, walk dogs, anything to make a buck. I've got a kid to raise, right? Oh! I don't know, sometimes I think we're really raising each other. Anyhow, my friends Weaver and Givits and me, we have this trio and I think we'll really make it someday, but meanwhile Jill and I are hanging in there and it's working out pretty good. Well most of the time."

[Voice of Harry Morgan as Martin Vanderhof]: "That's my only daughter Penny, and is she talented [she's an artist]. That's Penny's only husband, Paul. He invents toys-and plays with them. Here's Alice their oldest daughter. She has a job."


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