c/o Cash/Fish & Associates
Ling ("soft L, soft G") is a lawyer. She is
a single, wealthy Asian-American who designs
clothing, owns a plant, a mud-wrestling
club, and an escort service. Ling is
brutally honest to the point of
insensitivity. For example: "Let's be honest
with each other. Neither of us wants a man
to go spelunking to our emotional core --
the echo would kill him." and "You're a man
without any nice qualities, as far as I can
Initially, Ling was a friend and client of Nelle
Porter, a lawyer at Cage & Fish. ("Nelle is like
a sister; when she's in pain, I throw up.")
Eventually Ling became a lawyer with Nelle's
firm. Ling pressured Richard Fish, the firm's
senior partner to hire her services as counsel
by licking his finger. Unable to resist, Fish
explains Ling's job as "supervising the
infrastructure handling her corporate ventures
which will bring a great deal of money into the
firm." Ling's opinion on her new work
environment: "this is an office place, people
shouldn't be happy."
When Ling approached her
colleagues,. her arrival was punctuated with the
"Wicked Witch of the West" musical theme from
"The Wizard of Oz." (Dum, de, dum, de, dum, dum).
A fan of litigation, Ling likes to sue people
for just about any issue. Ling once sued a
person for having sexual thoughts about her. And
once she sued a plastic surgeon for false
advertisement after she bought a pair of
silicone breasts for her sister but didn't look
as good as the nurse who demonstrated the
Besides her dislikes for just about everything,
Ling especially disliked hypocrisy ("Hypocrisy
makes me wrought.") and sweat ("I have a thing
about sweat. Even my own").
Once of Ling's most memorable case involved a
young boy with leukemia who wanted to sue God.
Ling takes the case, wins and gets the boy the
needed experimental drug from "The Church" who
were held responsible because of their close
ties with God (who caused the condition). A
short time later, when Ling learns the boy died,
she walks off down a corridor, away from the
others, and tears streams down her face. Over
time, those who take the time to really know
Ling discover that deep down inside, she has a
good heart, despite her "Dragon Lady" persona.
Another example of Ling's good heart happened
when Elaine Vassal, the legal secretary from her
office auditioned to be a backup singer for Tina
Turner at a local event. When she lost, Ling
paid one of the contest executives to tell
Elaine (on the sly) that the reason she lost was
because she was just too good and Tina Turner
didn't like to be shown up on stage.
After a short time at the firm, Ling became
romantically linked to senior partner Richard
Fish. At first she didn't want to have sex with
him. "It's not that I don't like [sex], it's
just that I think it's overrated. A lot of women
don't love it, they just find affirmation in
sex. It makes them feel good about themselves. I
already feel good without the mess." Ling felt
that sex with her would ruin sex with anyone
else for him. But eventually Richard convinced
her by using his erotic "knee-pit trick." ("Part
of me wants to sleep with him, 'cause I know if
I did -- I'd kill him.")
Do my knee.
Just do it.
I won‘t be used.
We can’t deny
are passions any longer can we? You want
me and I want you. So let’s just be
honest. You do my knee and I‘ll give you
pinching my spinal cord.
Ling enjoys foreplay. For example, she runs her
tongue up Fish’s index finger or gives "hair
jobs" (dragging her long raven tresses over a
partner's naked body). To keep Richard
interested. Ling uses this special formula: "I
take a little adhesive, I tape hundred dollar
bills to my privates, wear them all day long.
Nighttime I get into bed; I'm beautiful, naked,
smell like money"
Despite her overt sexual nature, Ling avoids
using the word "sex" and instead uses the word
"it." because whenever she says "sex," "it"
drives men, and even some women, completely
Ling also attaches a great deal of importance to
a first kiss, for if it isn’t perfect, the
moment is ruined forever. Once, to assuage her
curiosity, Ling shared a Sapphic kiss at work
with fellow attorney Ally McBeal. The kiss was
nice but no romance ensued. Although the kiss
did get Ally thinking about her sexual
When it comes to men Ling is a "penile psychic.
She "can tell when a man is thinking with his
unit." and admits "What I really want out of
relationship is a penis." When Ling demands some
"knee pit" gratification from Richard (his
erotic sexual touch), but he refuses and says
what they really need is good old-fashioned sex,
and lots of it. Ling reluctantly agrees, but
warns Richard of her prowess and makes Richard
sign a waiver just before pouncing on him.
Continued next page >
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