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 TV Character Bios

WOO, Ling
(Ally McBeal)
c/o Cash/Fish & Associates
Boston, MA

Ling ("soft L, soft G") is a lawyer. She is a single, wealthy Asian-American who designs clothing, owns a plant, a mud-wrestling club, and an escort service. Ling is brutally honest to the point of insensitivity. For example: "Let's be honest with each other. Neither of us wants a man to go spelunking to our emotional core -- the echo would kill him." and "You're a man without any nice qualities, as far as I can tell."

Lucy Liu as Woo Ling
Ling Woo

Initially, Ling was a friend and client of Nelle Porter, a lawyer at Cage & Fish. ("Nelle is like a sister; when she's in pain, I throw up.") Eventually Ling became a lawyer with Nelle's firm. Ling pressured Richard Fish, the firm's senior partner to hire her services as counsel by licking his finger. Unable to resist, Fish explains Ling's job as "supervising the infrastructure handling her corporate ventures which will bring a great deal of money into the firm." Ling's opinion on her new work environment: "this is an office place, people shouldn't be happy."

When Ling approached her colleagues,. her arrival was punctuated with the "Wicked Witch of the West" musical theme from "The Wizard of Oz." (Dum, de, dum, de, dum, dum).

A fan of litigation, Ling likes to sue people for just about any issue. Ling once sued a person for having sexual thoughts about her. And once she sued a plastic surgeon for false advertisement after she bought a pair of silicone breasts for her sister but didn't look as good as the nurse who demonstrated the product.

Besides her dislikes for just about everything, Ling especially disliked hypocrisy ("Hypocrisy makes me wrought.") and sweat ("I have a thing about sweat. Even my own").

Once of Ling's most memorable case involved a young boy with leukemia who wanted to sue God. Ling takes the case, wins and gets the boy the needed experimental drug from "The Church" who were held responsible because of their close ties with God (who caused the condition). A short time later, when Ling learns the boy died, she walks off down a corridor, away from the others, and tears streams down her face. Over time, those who take the time to really know Ling discover that deep down inside, she has a good heart, despite her "Dragon Lady" persona.

Another example of Ling's good heart happened when Elaine Vassal, the legal secretary from her office auditioned to be a backup singer for Tina Turner at a local event. When she lost, Ling paid one of the contest executives to tell Elaine (on the sly) that the reason she lost was because she was just too good and Tina Turner didn't like to be shown up on stage.

After a short time at the firm, Ling became romantically linked to senior partner Richard Fish. At first she didn't want to have sex with him. "It's not that I don't like [sex], it's just that I think it's overrated. A lot of women don't love it, they just find affirmation in sex. It makes them feel good about themselves. I already feel good without the mess." Ling felt that sex with her would ruin sex with anyone else for him. But eventually Richard convinced her by using his erotic "knee-pit trick." ("Part of me wants to sleep with him, 'cause I know if I did -- I'd kill him.")

Ling: Do my knee.
Richard: Ling.
Ling: Just do it.
Richard: Well...No. No. I won‘t be used.
Ling: We can’t deny are passions any longer can we? You want me and I want you. So let’s just be honest. You do my knee and I‘ll give you hair.
Richard: You‘re pinching my spinal cord.

Ling enjoys foreplay. For example, she runs her tongue up Fish’s index finger or gives "hair jobs" (dragging her long raven tresses over a partner's naked body). To keep Richard interested. Ling uses this special formula: "I take a little adhesive, I tape hundred dollar bills to my privates, wear them all day long. Nighttime I get into bed; I'm beautiful, naked, smell like money"

Despite her overt sexual nature, Ling avoids using the word "sex" and instead uses the word "it." because whenever she says "sex," "it" drives men, and even some women, completely crazy.

Ling also attaches a great deal of importance to a first kiss, for if it isn’t perfect, the moment is ruined forever. Once, to assuage her curiosity, Ling shared a Sapphic kiss at work with fellow attorney Ally McBeal. The kiss was nice but no romance ensued. Although the kiss did get Ally thinking about her sexual persuasion..

Ally McBeal and Ling Woo Kiss

"The Kiss"

When it comes to men Ling is a "penile psychic. She "can tell when a man is thinking with his unit." and admits "What I really want out of relationship is a penis." When Ling demands some "knee pit" gratification from Richard (his erotic sexual touch), but he refuses and says what they really need is good old-fashioned sex, and lots of it. Ling reluctantly agrees, but warns Richard of her prowess and makes Richard sign a waiver just before pouncing on him.

Continued next page


 

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