Sales, Soupy: THE SOUPY SALES SHOW

• Philo Kvetch, a detective who battles the villain The Mask and his sidekick Onions Oregano (played by Frank Natasi) whose foul breath can kill.

• Allen, the Canteen Boy, an innocent boy scout molested by Mr. Armstrong, the scout master;
• Cajunman, who answered all questions with words that ended in 'on' or 'ion' (for example, onion, tradition, suntan lotion, definition, liposuction, etc.);
• Lucy, an employee of the Gap clothing store;
• Opera Man, Weekend Update news reporter dressed in tuxedo and red cape who sang the news opera style ("Billionero. Ross Perot. Mi confuso. Es Frank Purdue? Oh?");
• Pedro in "Captain Jim and Pedro" skit;
• Celebrity impressions of Bill Cosby, Fabio, and rockers, Axel Rose, Bono, Eddie Vedder and Bruce Springsteen.

• Gobi, a stoner student on the collegiate webcast “Jarrett’s Room,”
• Frankie, Sully and Denise’s friend;
• Mr. Banglian, The “Wake Up Wakefield” faculty advisor;
• Jasper Hahn, the political cartoonist for “Weekend Update”
• Celebrity impressions of Ozzy Osbourne, Elton John, Gene Shalit, Jerry Garcia, Jim Morrison and Meatloaf.

• Ruey Paronio, co-host of "Talkin' America";
• Senior Bago Crap, in "Mexican Wrestling Theater,"
• Celebrity impressions of Bill Clinton, Chris Farley, Elton John, and Kenny Rogers.

• Dixie Westworth, the over-tanned Host of "Cabana Chat";
• Mrs. Barrone;
• Connie (of "Joel and Connie" skit),
• Mrs. Vigor;
• Celebrity impressions of Fran Drescher, Shirley MacLaine, Demi Moore, Mary Tyler Moore, Janet Reno, Dana Scully, and Barbara Streisand.

• Richard Laymer, (a.k.a. "The Richmeister"), an irritating Accounting Department worker who taunts coworkers "makin' copies" at the Xerox machine by giving them names (Sandy is "Sandita, the Sandstress, Sanditized for your protection"; Steve" is Steveroma and The Stevenator; and Tom is the Tomster!, Tom-Tom! Tom-may! Toooom!");
• Mr. Casual Sex;
• The Orgasm Guy;
• The Sensitive Naked Man;
• Tammy, a teenager working at the Donut Hole and rival of The Gap Girls;
• Weed Guy;
• Celebrity impressions of Soon-Yi Previn, Elvis Presley (Tiny Elvis), and k. d. lang.

• Mary Katherine Gallagher, a weirdly intense girl in parochial school uniform who in moments of stress, hooks her fingers under her armpits, then sniffs them;
• Helen Madden, a new-age Joyologist;
• Terry Rialto, co-host of National Public Radio talk show "Delicious Dish.";
• Circe Nightshade, co-host of fictional cable show "Goth Talk";
• Celebrity impressions of Liza Minnelli and Courtney Love.

• Ed Grimley, a nervous nerd with a spiked pompadour who worshipped Pat Sajack ("Oh, I must say"; "I'm going mental.");
• Nathan Thurm, an agitated, cigarette smoking lawyer ("I know that, Do you think I didn't know that?");
• Lawrence Orbach, the synchronized swimmer with nose plugs (his partner Gerald played by Harry Shearer);
• Jackie Rogers, Jr, an entertainer with a camp style;
• Irving Cohen, an old-time songwriter who smokes a cigar and claims he can write a song about anything but usually just gets one or two lines written before pooping out with a "yada, yada, yada type ending);
• Rusty Van Rettick, an aging child star who portrayed a 8-year-old brat with freckles and glasses on TV show "Oh That Rusty" for 28 years [1200 episodes]. He had to hire taller actors to keep the illusion alive that he was still a kid (His catchphrase: "All Righty!");
• Jiminy Glick, the world's worst celebrity interviewer;
• Celebrity impressions of magician Doug Henning; a slobbering Jerry Lewis ("Hey Lady!"); and Katherine Hepburn in a skit called "Kate and Ali" (with Billy Crystal as Muhammad Ali, the boxer).

• Clem Kaddiddlehopper, the befuddled farmboy country bumpkin;
• Junior the Mean Widdle Kid ("Junior! Are you pulling that cats tail?" "No. I'm holding on...He's doing the pulling." His famous favorite expression is "I dood it." );
• San Fernando Red, a conman;
• Sheriff Deadeye, the scourge of the West (dressed in a Mexican sombrero;
• Willie Lump-Lump, the bumbling drunk;
• Freddie the Freeloader, the richest bum in the world;
• Bolivar Shagnasty;
• Professor Ludwick Von Humperdoo, a weird scientist
• Cauliflower McPugg, punch-drunk boxer;
• George Appleby, the henpecked husband;
• Cookie the Sailor;
• J. Newton Numbskull.

• The Receptionist, a irritating, anal retentive little creep of a secretary for Dick Clark who makes everyone wait no matter how famous or important they are. ("And you are?");
• Flight attendant for Total Bastard Airlines;
• Christy, an employee at the Gap clothing store;
• Hollywood Minute Host, a scathing critic of tinsel town going-ons;
• Karl, the video-store owner;
• Celebrity impressions of Michael J. Fox, Tom Petty, H. Ross Perot's double, Casey Kasem, Matthew Broderick, and Kurt Cobain.

• El Negro Diablo, in Mexican Wrestling Theater,
• The Klumps (all of them),
• Celebrity of impressions of James Brown, Jr. Bill Cosby, '80s Michael Jackson, Tito Jackson, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Jimmy Walker and Barry White.

• Amy, co-anchor of Generation X News;
• Antonia, a moronic woman with no IQ (with a cat named Fifi);
• Diane Lawyer-Trabajo, co-anchor of News at 6,
• Vancome Lady, a perfume sales lady who mocks her customers and eventually refuses service to everybody ("Bye-Bye!"),
• Celebrity impressions of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Hillary Clinton, Kathy Lee Gifford, Pamela Lee, Heather Locklear, Julia Roberts, Alicia Silverstone, and Uma Thurman.

• Pat Riley, an androgynous accountant who makes everyone wonder what sex she/he is. (When asked is "Pat" short for Patrick? Patricia? She responds with a whine, "Paaaaaaaaat.");
• Prylon, an Alien Spacewoman;
• Mrs. Hibbert;
• Celebrity impressions of Chelsea Clinton and Jane Pauley.

External Links

• Internet Movie Data Base

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