DAVIS RULES/ABC/CBS/1991-92 (Miss Kelly) - The gorgeous but never seen
next-door-neighbor of former Marine William "Gunny" Davis (Jonathan Winters).
Gunny was constantly looking out the kitchen window at Miss Kelly and using his
fertile imagination to support his lurid little fantasies about his attractive
DIFF'RENT STROKES/NBC/1978-86 (The Gooch) - On the sitcom DIFF'RENT
STROKES/NBC/ABC/1978-86 Arnold Jackson (Gary Coleman), an eight-year old black
boy was always picked on by a school bully (never-seen), no matter what grammar
school he attended. Arnold referred to his tormentor as "The Gooch."
FRIENDS/NBC/1994-2004 (The Ugly Naked Guy) - Unseen (by the viewing
audience) nudist neighbor of roommates Monica Geller (Courtney Cox) and Rachel
Green (Jennifer Aniston) introduced on the episode "The One with the Sonogram at
the End" (9/29/1994) on the twenty something sitcom FRIENDS/NBC/1994-2004. The Ugly
Naked Guy lived in a nearby apartment and could be spotted on occasion by
Monica, Rachel, and friends. When across-the-hall friend Chandler Bing (Matthew
Perry) said "Ugly Naked Guy's got a Thighmaster" the others cried "Eeaach!"
Other observations from their window revealed "Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen
tile"; Ugly Naked Guy's lit a bunch of candles"; and Ugly Naked Guy's got
gravity boots." Once during Thanksgiving dinner friend Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow)
looked out the window and said "Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the
oven. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly
Naked gal!" When Rachel Green's mother (Marlo Thomas) visited the apartment, she
glanced out the window and cried "There's an unattractive man in the nude
playing the cello." Rachel replied "Just be glad he's not playing a smaller
instrument." Ross Gellar later moved into the Ugly naked guy's apartment when he
TRIVIA NOTE: On the comedy program IN LIVING
COLOR black comedian Jamie Foxx created a character called Wanda the Ugly Woman.
Wanda was so ugly (truly an insult to the eyes) that men literally began
shivering in their shoes as she approached them. Wanda greeted each potential
date with the catchphrase "I'm gonna rock your world!" Yeah, but you got to
catch me first. Yuck! See also
COOKS & COOKBOOKS: "Cooking with Friends"
THE GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN SHOW/CBS/1950-58 (Uncle Harvey) - The
never-seen Uncle Harvey, a relative of comedienne Gracie Allen is a frequent
occupant of San Quentin Prison. In fact, every time his name is brought up, he
is in jail. Another never-seen but often spoken about character was Gracie's
mother who lives in San Francisco. Her phone number was Market 1-0048.
HOME IMPROVEMENT/ABC/1991-99 (Wilson, the next-door neighbor) - The
Detroit based sitcom HOME IMPROVEMENT featured Tim Allen as Tim Taylor, the star
of a local how-to-program called "Tool Time." Tim often talked to his
philosophical next-door neighbor called Wilson (Earl Hindman) whose face was
never quite fully seen through the tall picket fence that separated their homes.
This backyard mystic passed along advice like "I'm afraid that reality as we
know it, is someone else's dream." Another often referred to but never seen
character was mother of Al Borland (Richard Karn). Tim Taylor often made fun of
Al's mother on his fix-it show especially jokes about her overweight condition.
When Al canceled his wedding, the TV screen shook when his mother fainted in
TRIVIA NOTE: The reason Wilson's face is
unseen is based upon Tim Allen's recollection of not being able to see his own
neighbor when he was a boy as he was too short to see over the fence. It also
added an air of mystery to his neighbor. The counseling aspect of Tim Taylor
talking to his neighbor, Wilson is a direct throwback to the sitcom THE LIFE OF
RILEY/NBC/1949-58 when William Bendix as Chester A. Riley took his problems to
the neighborhood mortuary worker, Digby "Digger" O'Dell (played by John Brown).
HOT L BALTIMORE/ABC/1975 (Moose) - Among the many zany residents of the
Hot l Baltimore was Moose, Mrs. Bellotti's heard but never seen 26 year-old son.
He enjoyed playing such pranks as buttering the Hotel hallways and gluing
himself to the ceiling.
THE JACKIE GLEASON SHOW/CBS/1952-70 (Mr. Dunahee) - One of the many
characters created by comedian Jackie Gleason on his comedy variety series was
that of "Joe the Bartender," a portly saloon keeper who chewed the fat with his
customers. One of his regulars was Mr. Dunahee, a never seen or heard but always
acknowledged patron. At the beginning of the sketch the camera (as Mr. Dunahee)
would push its way through the bar's swinging doors where it always found Joe
the bartender singing the tune of "My Gal Sal." After the customary greeting,
Joe poured Mr. Dunahee a beer. Joe would always stick his finger in the beer to
stop the head of foam from streaming over the top of the glass. Though never
seen, Mr. Dunahee was the catalyst for the bar room chit-chat to follow, where
Joe would respond to supposed statements from Mr. Dunahee and philosophize about
the news in The American Scene Magazine that he read in between customers. Crazy
Guggenheim (Frank Fontaine), the bar's resident zany often came to visit with
Joe and Mr. Dunahee and usually sang them a song accompanied by the music from
the juke box. At the close of the sketch, Mr. Dunahee (the camera pulled away
from the bar) would leave the saloon (his beer glass close to empty) and Joe
would again begin to sing "My Gal Sal."
TRIVIA NOTE: Jimmy Proces' bar in Brooklyn,
the neighborhood bar from Jackie Gleason's childhood, inspired the Joe the
bartender skits. The name of Mr. Dunahee was inspired by the name of Jackie
Gleason's apartment superintendent when he was a child in New York City.
MAGGIE/ABC/1981-82 (Teenage son of Maggie Westin) - Based on the humorous
books of Erma Bombeck, this sitcom portrayed the life of a harried housewife,
Maggie Weston (Miriam Flynn) as she coped with her husband and her three
children in the suburbs outside of Dayton, Ohio. L.J. was the 16 year old son of
the Westins who was referred to but never seen or heard on the program. He was
always in the bathroom. Now what would a healthy teenage boy be doing in the
bathroom all the time?
MARTIN/FOX/1992-97 (Big Shirley) - Martin Payne's buddy Cole Brown (Carl
Anthony Payne II) dated a woman referred to as "Big Shirley." She is Cole's
sweetheart and although built like a refrigerator, the camera never shows the
viewing audience anything above her bust-line.
THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW/CBS/1970-77 (Lars Lindstrom) - Cloris Leachman
starred as Phyllis Lindstrom, a self-centered busybody who rented out part of
her large Minneapolis home. When not berating her tenants, Mary Richards (Mary
Tyler Moore) and Rhoda Morgenstern (Valerie Harper), she was bragging about her
husband Lars Lindstrom, a dermatologist. For all the script references about her
husband, Lars was never seen on the series. Phyllis moved to San Francisco with
her own spin-off series PHYLLIS/CBS/1975-77 when her husband Lars died.
SEINFELD/NBC/1990-98 (Cousin Jeffrey & Bob Sacamano) - Two characters who
were mentioned but never seen on the program were Jerry's Cousin Jeffrey and
Cosmo Kramer's friend, Bob Sacamano. Explaining why these characters were never
seen, Jerry Seinfeld, the star of the series remarked "They've (Cousin Jeffrey
and Bob Sacamano) become too large in our imagination for anyone to fill those
shoes"). Bob Sacamano is a friend of Cosmo Kramer who occasionally talks about
him to his friends. Some of the stories told about Bob included his short stint
as a worker in a condom factory; the one where Bob tired to undergo shock
treatment, but it didn't work because his synapses were too big; the time when
he went to the hospital for a simple hernia operation but consequently, he now
talks with a high pitched voice; and the time Bob stayed with Kramer for one and
a half years. Bob has also had rabies, and sold fur hats . Here is a script
snippet from the show:
|So Kramer what am
I supposed to do? If I don't have that fur hat by four o'clock they're
gonna take me down like Nixon.
|(after staying at
Kramer's) You know my friend Bob Sacamano?
|I thought he was
|Well, he called
last night about 3 a.m. we got to talking, he sells Russian hats down at
battery park, forty bucks.
|Forty bucks? Are
|No, but the
difference is un-noticable.
|Oh yea, I like
Another mentioned by never seen character on the series was Kramer's friend
Lomez, an Orthodox Jew. He organizes the Jewish singles night which Kramer
attended. Lomez also trade some steaks for stereo speakers and he sold Kramer
his hot tub.
VERN (Unseen Neighbor) - The long-suffering next-door neighbor of Ernest
P. Worrell (Jim Varney) in commercials produced by the Carden-Cherry advertising
agency during the 1980s. Vern was never seen or heard only spoken to by the TV
pitchman Ernest P. Worrell whose broad teasing grin, rubbery face and large ears
protruding from beneath his trademark baseball cap would pop into Vern's home
unannounced, usually when Vern was eating breakfast or taking a bath with his
rubber ducky. The commercial's format was simple. Ernest sang the praises of the
sponsors products and good ol' Vern just listened. Ernest speaking with a
southern drawl began his sales pitch by saying "Hey, Vern!" and ended the 30
seconds spots with his imbecilic "Know whut I Mean?" Vern & Ernest were the
stars of more than 2000 regional commercials which were made for about
$7,000-10,000 each. The characters were created by ad man John Cherry. See also
ADVERTISING MASCOTS: "Ernest P. Worrell"
STANLEY WALKER (Unseen Husband) - On the sitcom WILL AND GRACE/NBC/1998-2006,
Karen Walker (Megan Mullally) a wealthy socialite with a drinking problem often
mentioned her husband Stanley Walker. Stanley, of course, was the source of all
her money and she would often gossip that she had to have sex with her
overweight husband to get jewelry and other nice things. The act of sex with
Stanley was apparently not very much fun for Karen but she continued to do him
because she liked living large. However, when Stanley died, Karen was
heartbroken. It was only then that Karen looked beyond the money and realized
she had truly loved Stanley. She missed Stanley so much that Karen started
looking for a new lover at www.whalewatcher.com (a dating service for fat
Grace Adler Designs. Oh, hi,
Stanley! No, I'm not doing anything. Sure, ok, you wanna start now? Ok.
Yeah, I'm naked. Mmmhh, uhuh, hmm, mm. Oh, already? Well, good for you!
||(she takes a
look at her watch)
Great! Ok, sweetie, well, call
me later! OK! (she hangs up the phone)
[At Stanley's Funeral]
||Stanley Walker was a great
||A nice man.
||A FAT man.
||He was a decent man.
|| A kind man.
||A surprisingly good dancer.
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